Fear of the Unknown, Change and Death
by Freedom Of Darkness
Summary: AU. Ryou does something and loses his life. NOT CHARACTER DEATH. Abandoned by everyone what does he do? Where will he go? Eventual Dawnshippping YamixBakuraxMarikxRyou
1. Other Side Of The World

**Warnings: **Yaoi, swearing but later. For now only detailed description of tongue piercing. Angst.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or the title for the story.

**Notes:** It's in Ryou's point of view.

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Fear of the unknown, change and death

Chapter1

I'm very rare. I'm like snow in the desert. I'm like a flawless diamond. Just not a precious. I'm an albino, except I don't have the pink eyes. I did watch a TV programme about weird people on it. There was this albino who had pink eyes and everything. He was kind of old now I think about it. So, maybe that's why his hair was white and his eyes were pink. Hmmmmm…

Anyway, on this show it had all sorts of weird people on it, whether it was natural or they had done it to themselves. There was this one guy who had had whiskers implanted in to his cheeks, his face reshaped and tattoos of leopard markings all over his body because he wanted to look like a leopard. And there was this other man that had the world record for the number of piercings. He was cool. And he made me think, why don't I get something pierced? I've always been good; I don't drink of smoke or do drugs. I have friends who are good. I have never been in trouble at school or with the police.

I didn't want to move away from the 'good boy' image just to add something that showed that I wasn't good all the time. I didn't want something to pretentious, something that would offend. I didn't want something normal either, but that doesn't mean I wanted something completely off the wall. I'm not a 'bad boy' but I'm just not as good as everyone thinks I am and not nearly as innocent. Well I am but my mind isn't innocent, it's a cesspool. I'm also not as nice as I make out.

Oops, I just realised that I rambled on and you don't even know anything about me. My name is Ryou Bakura and I live in Domino City, Japan. I'm not originally from here; I used to live in England but moved here with my father when I was about six. The reason that I only came here with my father was because shortly before we moved my mother and sister died in a car accident.

My father is an archaeologist and is usually never home but he has just come back from a dig in Egypt and says that he is going to be here for a year, maybe more. I'm seventeen and go to school with my friends Yugi, Tea, Honda, Jou and Malik. They are ok but I sometimes feel like an outcast. They reject me because I have white hair. I don't see why, Yugi's hair is very strange. It defies gravity (or maybe its just a lot of gel?) and its three colours! But he is the leader of the group even if he is short.

I don't know why he's the leader. Anyone of us could give him a swift kick to the back his head and take him down. You wouldn't even need to kick very high he's that short. (You see what I mean about not being nice, even if I'm the only one that hears these things.) I don't understand why Honda and Jou don't take him down. From what I was told they were in this pretty tough gang before and now they follow a short guy with crazy hair that they used to beat up.

I did have a point to this small ramble. Now what was it? Ahhhhhh, yes, I remember. I want a piercing and was trying to decide where. I think I'll get my tongue pierced. It's not offensive; it's not easily seen and its not overly common. And, if I do say so myself, a lot of men will want me. Wink wink.

I think I'll get it done now. I have the money and I'm standing outside the shop. I didn't even realise that I had walked so far. I'm on the other side Domino, right on the outskirts of town. The shop is called TattooLand. Yeah a tattoo shop but they do piercing as well and I have heard very good things about this place, from listening in on people's conversations that have had something done here. What? You think I'd ask someone myself? Ha!

I go in and walk up to the desk and say that I want to get my tongue pierced. A woman, who apparently will do the piercing, asks my age and gives me a form to fill in. My hand is shaking so much that I can barely write my own name. Wait. What is my name? God I'm so nervous.

She takes me into a small room with a curtain for a door and gets me to sit on this chair. It's like a dentist chair but is laid out flat so you can lie on it. I suppose that's for when people faint. I hope I don't. She asks me to stick out my tongue and starts to dry it with some paper kitchen towel and draws a cross on my tongue in purple die. She hands me a mirror and asks if that's where I want it pierced. I was thinking a bit further back, so I say this and she draws another line. Perfect. All through this she is explaining everything that she is doing as she is doing it. I put my tongue back in my mouth as she moves around the room getting the things she will need. There is the needle in its sterilised packaging, a pair of things that look like tongs but with the middle missing (also sterilised), an elastic band and something else. She asked me to stick out my tongue again and used the thing to measure how thick my tongue is. Then she goes to this chest thing with lots of draws, each with something different written on the front. Opening one of the draws she pulls out a barbell stud.

Coming back to stand in front of me again she asks me to stick out my tongue and again she dries it. Wrapping the elastic band around the tong like things (which I found out were called claps) so they held tighter, she put the clamp on to my tongue where the centre of the cross would be in the centre of the clamp. Next she checked under my tongue to make sure that there were no veins running through where she would be piercing. That done she opened the needle and placed it underneath my tongue and told me to take a deep breath in and pushed the needle through. There was no pain, just the weird feeling that something was going through my tongue.

When the needle was fully through she placed the barbell stud through the hollow needle and told me to take exhale the deep breath I took earlier. As I exhaled she pulled the needle out and screwed the bottom ball of the barbell to the end of the stud on the underside of my tongue.

She told me that it was ok that I dribbled because everyone does. Until she said something I didn't even realise I had. I could taste the metallic taste of blood but there was still no pain. I always thought that blood equated to physical pain. She told me to rinse my mouth out to get rid of the blood and that it should stop bleeding soon. And it did.

She went through how to look after it until it was healed and gave me a sheet of paper with everything written down on. She made my lay down after she explained everything, saying that I looked like I was about to pass out. I felt ok apart from my legs feeling a bit weak. She got me some water and told me to drink it, and then she let me get up.

I paid and left. I don't think I'll tell anyone about it just yet. Maybe not until the swelling goes down and it looks better.

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**End Notes:** There is actually a tattoo shop called TattooLand. It's in Woking, England. It is actually where I got my tongue pierced. This is based on my own experience of getting my tongue pierced almost two weeks ago now!

**Review!** **Please!**


	2. Heal Over

**Warnings: **Swearing, violence, abuse and Yugi acting a lot like Kaiba. Oh and a lot of angst! It's sort of dark humour at the moment.

**Disclaimer: **Bird rock bird bird feather rock bird person squiggle. (Translation: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or KT Tunstall whose songs I will use to name chapters.)

**Notes: **I forgot to say last time that this is an AU (alternative universe). The whole story is going to be in Ryou's point of view. To anyone reading any of my stories, especially Five Years Later, I am sorry for the long wait for updates. My life turned in to a soap opera and killed my inspiration. Five Years Later should be updated by the end of this month but don't hold me to that. The other stories will be updated shortly after. Thanks to all the reviewers! You ROCK!

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**Fear of the Unknown, Change and Death**

Chapter 2

It's been a week since I got my tongue pierced. The swelling's pretty much gone now and I have been able to eat solid food for a couple of days now. It was… interesting, to say the least, to try and keep it from my dad. He still doesn't know about it so I think it was a success. Although I think he thinks that I may have an eating disorder. I don't. I _love _food. I just have a high metabolism.

Back to my point. It's been a week since I got it done and I have decided to tell Yugi and the gang.

We are all meeting at the park later today and I'll tell them all then. I'm worried about what they will say. They don't accept me as it is and I don't want to be alone. I wonder what they will think. I mean they can't think it too bad, it's not like I got my face covered in piercing is it?

Well I have to stop thinking now. I'm at the entrance to the park and I can see them all sitting happily in the middle of the field. Every possible situation has run through my head on the way here and now it is time. I have to tell them and bare the consequences. Fuck I'm scared.

As I walk over to them they notice me and Tea waves. Damn that bitch. I hate her. The bitch spread a rumour around school that I'm gay. I am but they didn't need to know that. They don't know it either. Sure they suspect, but they don't know for certain. I almost got thrown out of the gang because of that, but they were all supportive of me when I told them it wasn't true and someone was just being mean. Even Tea was 'supportive' to me. Bitch. She was just jealous of me because I was becoming close to Yugi. She only hangs out with him because she wants to get in to his pants. Heh. She has no chance. He's gay as well. He's just in denial about it at the moment.

"Hey guys." I say when I reach them. Various greetings follow. Then some casual chatter; 'how are you?' 'Been up to much lately?' etc.

"Um… I have something to show you all" I say, mustering up all the confidence that I own. Silence has fallen over the group in front of me. There's no turning back now. I stick out my tongue.

This must be the longest moment of my whole life. No one has said anything.

I must have closed my eyes when I showed them, I realise when I hear Tea's response of "Oh my god!" breathed out in a shocked gasp. This was followed by a "what the hell?" by Jou, a "Daaaaaaamn." By Honda and another "Oh my god!" which I can tell is muffled by Malik placing a hand over his mouth.

Yugi hasn't said anything. Slowly I open my eyes and put my tongue away. Yugi is just looking at me. There is no emotion in his face. It's just a cold, blank stare.

"Take it out, Ryou. It's disgusting." His tone is so cold I swear I just got frost bite from it, he continues in a business like tone "If you take it out now I will over look this incident and after one weeks exile I will allow you back in to the gang."

WHAT? These people are supposed to be my friends!

Yugi continues " and if you don't take it out now we will be forced to tell your father about this."

He stands up, brushes grass off of his jeans and pulls the hem of his t-shirt down to straighten it out. Then he looks at me. Staring straight into my eyes. I know that what he said wasn't a threat. It was a promise.

"What will it be?" he demands his voice is still cold and there is no emotion in it.

That's when I realised that my answer here and now would be what decides my life. I must have fallen to my knees at some point, as I now have to look up at Yugi, which is saying something. The rest of the gang have also stood up and are now standing behind Yugi like an army behind their fearless leader. Am I really that much of a threat? Man, Yugi is such a shrimp. I swear that he only comes up to Jou's hip. Hmmmmm… that's going to be useful for Jou when he wants head. God it's weird where your mind goes to when your life is falling apart around you. You think of the most useless and mundane things. It's a pain in the ass (not a good one at that). Focus Ryou, focus.

"No" I all but whisper.

"What?" he asks. He must not have heard me.

"NO!" This time I yell.

"Fine Ryou, have it your way. You are hereby removed from the gang. Don't ever speak to me again. Now, we must pay your father a visit." With that they all turned away and walked off.

Why? Why were they doing this to me? If this were a film it would start raining. The rain mixing with my tears that ran down my face in torrents. But this is life. There was no rain. The sun was shining. Bright and warm. Fucking thing! I'm not happy! Why do you mock me so!

I'm not even fucking crying! I was numb but now I'm angry. What the fuck is wrong with me getting my tongue pierced? It's a stupid piece of metal. It doesn't change the person I am! God! You can't even fucking see it!

I throw my fist at the ground while screaming out loud.

My fist connects with the ground and a bolt of pain shoots up my arm.

Wait.

They're going to tell my father?

They are going to tell my fucking father!

Goddamn them!

I push myself up off the ground. I don't even know how long I have been sat there. But I know one thing. I have to beat them to my father. I have to tell him myself!

I take off at a sprint. A mantra of 'I have to beat them' going around in my head.

I don't even know if I'm going the right way to my home, I just hope my body knows the way because I am too angry and scared to concentrate right now.

I'm running in a blind panic. All I can hear is the blood rushing through my veins and the pounding of my feet against the pavement below me. I don't see people or cars. I don't see anything. I can taste bile in my mouth not only from the situation but also from running, I don't do sports and I can't run for long before it makes me sick.

I fall to my knees in the middle of a road and retch. It isn't long before I have thrown up everything that was in my stomach. I stumble to my feet and continue on like nothing has happened.

Before I know it I'm standing outside a very familiar looking door. The door to my house. I pull out my keys and enter like a thief. I'm no thief. I'm not brave enough.

I hear noise from the kitchen. My breathing is so quite that it almost sounds like I'm not breathing at all and after the run I just had it's amazing. What a wonderful thing adrenalin is, that's the only thing steadying my breathing at the moment.

I move quietly towards the sound. As I enter the kitchen my father glares at me from where he is sitting at the table. There is a half empty bottle of vodka in his hand.

Fuck.

He is going to kill me.

He knows. I can tell. He knows.

Oh God. I am dead.

What many people don't know about my father is that he has a drink problem. He has for as long as I can remember. I think it may have started shortly after my mother died. It was ok then. He had to take anti-depressants and when they were mixed with the alcohol he just used to pass out. But then he was taken off of them. Now when he drinks he becomes violent. Oh, no. He's never hit me. He's come close a couple of times but he's never hit me. But I've seen him beat a guy to a bloody pulp because of the alcohol. And I know that he has done much worse to people, but he has always restrained himself with me.

I think that the restraint just ran out.

He is right in front of me and my back is pressed against a wall.

When the hell did that happen?

I can't escape. I'm trapped.

I look in to his eyes and see them filled with rage. I'm sure mine are filled with fear because he smirks sadistically.

"Show me." He growls at me.

I'm not stupid. I have to show him but if I stick my tongue out he is going to rip the stud from my tongue. I'd have to go to hospital and get it sewn back together. So I open my mouth so he can't grab it easily. He tries for it though and I shut my mouth quickly and end up biting his hand.

Now I'm really in for it.

"Take. It. Out." The order is ground out from clenched teeth. One of his hands is at my throat stopping any escape that I may have planned. As if I was brave enough to try running.

His grip tightens.

He wants an answer.

"N-no." I whisper. I can barely breathe because his grip has tightened even more.

Something snaps in his eyes and his fingers dig in to my neck. Strangling me. He pulls me forward and then slams me back against the wall with all his strength. My head hits the wall hard and I see stars. He does it a couple more times, and then throws me to the ground.

I use all my energy to open my eyes. The world is blurry and is swimming before my eyes, twisting and rolling, sickeningly.

He is standing before me now. I can't see him but I just know he is. He kicks me hard in the stomach taking away the last small amount of air that I had managed to drag in to my lungs. I couldn't breathe. Blackness was already consuming the blurry world of my vision.

"You had better not be here by the time I come back." Is the last thing I hear before my world goes dark.

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**Notes:**

Hehehehehehehehe! The evil cliffy of DOOM! Muhahahahahahahahhaha!

Review and I might have mercy on you!


	3. Under The Weather

**Warnings: **Angst, swearing.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, the title of the story or the title of each chapter. Oh and I also don't own Ryou's pseudonym.

**Notes:** This is still AU, It's still in Ryou's point of view. It is only one day late. Thanks to my reviewers! You Rock! Oh, I got my first flame for my story Going Straight! W00T! It made me really happy! I was like " I laugh at you!". Hheheheheheheheheeheh!

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**Fear of the Unknown, Change and Death**

Chapter 3

I awoke with a pain in my head. There is a light shining straight in to my eyes even though they are closed. I move my head away from the light.

OW.

Note to self: movement of head is bad and painful. Do not do again.

I'm cold. But there is bright light. Why am I cold?

I move my hand and find that I am lying on a floor. A tiled floor.

Hmmmmm?

I wonder why that is?

Maybe if I open my eyes I can find out.

Ow.

Maybe not.

Additional note: opening eyes is bad. Do not do again.

Slowly my mind starts to work.

Oh god! Shit! Fuck! I have to move. I don't know how long I've been out but if he comes home anytime soon I am dead. And I mean in the most literal way possible.

I push myself up into sitting position. God it hurts. Everything hurts. Moving, breathing, everything. The world is spinning sickeningly even though my eyes are closed.

Cracking open one eye I could tell even though the world was spinning that it was around sunset time, everything was bathed in a red glow (or at least I hope that's why everything is red). So, it's about five or six in the afternoon. Only been out for a couple of hours. That means I have until about midnight or maybe some time tomorrow morning if he goes to a whorehouse. Either way I have very little time.

The world is spinning somewhat slower and I have both my eyes open so I think I'll try and stand up.

Oh crap that wasn't a good idea. Thank the lord for walls.

I use the wall to navigate a path to the front door. I need to get out of here. I need a place to store my things. My father is either going to sell, burn or destroy anything I leave behind. I know where I need to go but in this state I don't know if I can make it.

I stumble out the door and down the front path. I still can't see properly and I am having a very large battle with gravity at the moment. I'm lucky I have lived here so long that I know where I'm going. I use every wall and fence I encounter to hold me up. Fear is the only thing keeping me going.

Fear of what I'm not entirely sure. Fear of my changing life, its all happened so quickly and it so out of control. Fear of the unknown, I don't know where I'm going to go or what's going to happen to me. And mostly I fear death. From my father, from my former friends and from the unknown.

I made it. I have made it to the shop that Malik's family own. It's a small little newsagent but they have garages that you can rent to store things (usually cars) in. I just hope that Isis is working today. Malik has most likely corrupted his parents already but Isis isn't like that. I just hope she doesn't get me beaten and thrown out when she sees me.

I slip inside the store and go straight up to the counter. Thank the Gods. It's Isis. My vision has got slightly better during my walk over here, but even if everything were still as blurry as it was I would sill be able to tell it was her. She always wears the same long white gown (I think it's tradition) and she has the most beautiful long black hair.

"Oh Gods! What happened to you, Ryou?" she asks sounding extremely worried.

I wonder what gave it away? Could it have been the fact that I'm not looking at her properly? That my eyes aren't focused? Or could it be that I'm leaning heavily against the counter.

Wait. God no. Please no.

I have bruises. I know that now. There are finger marks around my neck where he… I can't think about him now.

"Shhhhhh!" I hiss at her "It doesn't matter at the moment! I need your help! Please?" I ask. I plead. I beg. Whatever you want to call it. It's all the same in the end.

"Fine," she concedes "but you will tell me eventually." Ok so maybe she didn't completely give in. Oh hang on. She's still talking. "Malik told me what you've done. Why don't you just take it out? Make life easy for yourself." She asks with, amazingly, genuine curiosity. She's not judging me.

Poor Isis. Your so naïve.

"It's too late for that now." I tell her. It's the truth as well. And honestly I couldn't say that knowing what I do now that I would even want to go back to how things were. Go back and pretend that none of this happened.

"I need to rent a garage," I tell her bluntly. There is no more time for chitchat. I have been here too long and risk someone finding me and beating me to a pulp.

"Ok," She's all business now. "It costs 12.50 a month and I need the first payment upfront. We can't put your name in the books, so, what would you like your name to be?"

" Kazuki Takahashi." I reply "and I'll pay for the first three months now and send you each following payment by post." I tell her as I slide the money across the counter.

She hands me the key and says, "If anyone asks I'll tell them that 'Mr Takahashi' is out of the country. It shouldn't raise any suspicion."

"Thank you for everything Isis. I hope I see you again. I'll post the key through the door tonight, please look after it for me." With that said I ran from the shop, Isis waving goodbye behind me. I can see now but I'm still not steady on my feet. I hate gravity. It's plotting against me. But right now it can plot all it wants, I'm too busy to care.

I need to get my things out of there.

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It takes me about 3 hours to move everything using just a wheelbarrow. I even moved out some of my furniture. It's about 11.30pm now and I'm back in my room. On my way back I brought a one-way train ticket to Tokyo. I don't know what I'll do once I get there.

By the window in my bedroom is a backpack with a few things in that I will need and some food and, of course, money. I have a photo of my mother and sister in it as well.

Your going to think me mad now but I'm going to sleep here until my father returns. I not in any danger. He wakes me up when he comes home after an all night bender, usually by falling over something or just by slamming the front door.

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I was just jolted awake by the front door being slammed shut.

Right time to make a quick exit.

I grab my bag and climb out my window, holding on to the window ledge, I lower myself down until my arms are completely straight, my legs are pulled up to my stomach so he cant see me from the window downstairs. Reaching up I push the window closed before I straighten my legs and let go of the ledge. I land in a perfect crouch.

He didn't see me. That's good.

I take off running towards the train station. Towards a new life which is, as of yet, undetermined.

Goodbye to everything I knew.

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**Notes: **Can any of you people tell me who is Ryou's pseudonym? I know! Do you? Leave a review and tell me! 


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